All-Time NBA 1v1 Tournament - Elite Eight

You already know what time it is. Elite Eight baby! We feel like this barely deserves an introduction by now, but if you’re still foolish enough to have not checked out ANY of this tournament yet, then just leave now. Just kidding, go check out Round One!

The Nitty-Gritty:

1. We took turns picking their top 32 players and seeded them 1-64 in a March-Madness style tournament bracket.

2. The players were picked as if they were the prime version of themselves.

3. We took no notice of seeding match-ups until after our draft.

Tournament Rules:

1. First to 11.

2. Two-pointers count as 1 point, three-pointers count as 2 points.

3. Highest seed starts with the ball.

4. Make it, take it.

5. No blood, no foul.

6. If we disagree on the result, we got 30 seconds to make a case to each other, if nobody swayed, NBA 2K20 was used to simulate the match-up.

So here’s Round Four, let’s get it!

LeBron James vs Dwyane Wade

Jake: Oh damn, well I’m of the opinion that Wade could genuinely beat LeBron in a one-on-one match-up, but unfortunately I can’t prove that through straight up statistics or awards. These dudes have both won a scoring title, shot 50% from the field, hit game winners and led their teams to success as the “Alpha”, they’ve also both dropped 30 per game for a season - although I firmly believe that Wade’s 08-09 season was better than any of Kobe’s career seasons. The similarity in scoring prowess extends to actual playing style too, neither LeBron or Wade have been prolific three-point shooters in their careers, both have made a living through using their athletic dominance to collapse defenses, and both have earned more than enough pocket change from kicking that ball out to shooters. There’s one slight difference in attacking style that makes me believe Wade has the advantage here though - willingness to sacrifice your body to get shit done. LeBron doesn’t like to get hit at the rim, he prefers to find opportunities to cleanly beat somebody rather than finish through them - sure we’ve seen our fair share of him getting hacked and finishing through contact - but what I’m saying is that he’s nowhere near as willing to use that contact around the rim as Wade has been throughout his career - Kobe even said the same in his Mamba Mentality book. Flash has made a LIVING from finishing through contact, flipping circus shots at ridiculous angles while taking some of the hardest elbows in the business, dunking over, around or THROUGH fools (R.I.P Anderson Varajeo).

If Dwyane Wade had even half of the durability that LeBron has had throughout his career, we’d be talking about him totally differently - Prime Wade should have been an MVP at least once, and he sure as hell should have been on more All-NBA teams. Unfortunately he got his meniscus removed and couldn’t continue playing the same style that made him a wrecking ball in his younger days, but that’s the thing, this dude was so lethal and WILLING to go to the rim that his body failed him, Prime-Wade in this competition is a nightmare for LeBron to contain. Dwyane Wade consistently proved he had the best in-air body control since MJ, that’s no joke. Show me a clip of LeBron getting hit, adjusting mid-air and flipping in the layup when all seems lost, and I’ll show you ten more clips of Wade doing it on a higher level. The guy was just built to beat bigger players, and if that isn’t enough to convince you, let me give you a little play-by-play of how this dismantling might look.

LeBron gets the ball first by higher-seed default, smiles knowingly at Wade and backs him down on the high post intending to use his size to bully Flash into submission. Wade knows LeBron dribbles too high when backs people down and doesn’t waste a second in using his reach to poke the ball free and chase it down. Wade turns, sizes up a surprised ‘Bron and knocks down the midrange bank shot. 2-0.

Make it take it. Wade jabs right, crosses left and baits LeBron into a pump-fake - he times the stepthrough perfectly and swishes the shot home. 4-0.

Two jumpers in a row?! LeBron, respecting the pull-up now plays closer to Wade, who uses the first step that earnt him the title of “Flash” to get by ‘Bron for the up-and-under scoop. 6-0.

LeBron locks in this time, no longer playing games. Wade falls into the trap of dribbling too loosely, bounces off LeBron’s chest and has to force up the stationary shot without any legs under it, LeBron rebounds, takes it out and forces the tough lay-up past Wade, who out of force of habit decides to face the opposite way and hold his arms out for a third edition of the “iconic picture”. 6-2.

LeBron decides to put his mediocre shooting abilities to the test and jacks up a step-back three a la Chef Curry… but alas, brick. A career 34% shooter from three, The King isn’t fooling anybody. Wade rebounds, takes it outside the three-point line a few steps and uses the space as a runway to drop a filthy eurostep floater to ruin the King’s parade. 8-2.

The temptation for a three-point attempt doesn’t fool Wade, he knows what kind of animal he is. This one’s a hard line drive to the bucket for a flush around the outstretched hand of LeBron. Remember I told you, this guy can finish and dunk AROUND people, not just over them. 10-2.

LeBron catches Wade sleeping, picks his pocket and drives in for the tomahawk dunk, but his joy is shortlived, he brings the ball back out top, turns to where the referee would usually be standing to complain about the lack of foul calls, Wade snatches the ball out of his hands and takes it in for the ridiculous cock-back jam. LeBron can only look on with awe as Shaq appears from nowhere under the basket, pulling some filthy dance moves while a choir of defeated tournament players up in the bleachers begin singing about barbecue chicken, hold up… is that KG up there too?

Final Score: 12-4, Flash beats The King.

Chad: D-Wade may be big bro to LeBron by age, but LeBron is big bro in every way that matters. That said, neither of these guys are lights out shooters and will both settle for jumpers which means, we have a contest. LeBron starts with the rock and in his way-too-friendly demeanour, jacks up a trey ball from the jump with a smile on his face as it clanks off the rim. D.Wade tracks the rebound down and being far less on-court buddy-buddy, takes it right to LBJ for the easy reverse lay-in. LeBron, kind of getting the message that Wade can to play, does the whole get in an actual defensive stance, slap the floor performance he did in the all-star game vs. Kobe. It’s just a show as you can see by the smile that’s still plastered on the banana boat crewman and in his actual defense as Wade twists in another finger roll around LeBron’s outstretched arms. LeBron, always aware of how he’s being perceived, realizes this ain’t a good look and decides to take the ball back on Wade’s third offensive possession. The King bullies Wade to the basket twice for a dunk and a little baby hook before shooting a fader from the elbow to make it 3-2. He can’t resist the urge to keep shooting jays though and bricks his next attempt giving D-Wade another offensive possession, one he makes the most of, stringing together two straight scores. 3-4. As high as LeBron’s basketball IQ is said to be he doesn’t ever quite understand how dominating his body can be in the post against smaller guards so despite stealing the ball from Wade, LeBron settles for another jumper, 4-4. Feeling himself, Bron tells his buddy to, “Watch this,” as he drives left and fades out of bounds like he did against Toronto back in his Cleveland days. 5-4. He then jacks another three immediately after checking the ball, swish. 7-4. Wade digs in defensively and scraps for the ball, poking it loose a couple of times but ultimately only triggering James to demonstrate his physical dominance. He backs Wade down to around the block where 2K would tell us defenders’ legs get stronger and can be moved no further. LeBron listens to 2K wisdom and shoots a turn around off the glass that splashes in. 8-4. Wade isn’t a good enough shooter to overcome such a deficit against his banana boat brethren but puts in a few more baskets of his own before LeBron finishes him off with a smile and hug, covering his mouth as he whispers, “I love you, man,” in D.Wade’s ear.

Final Score: 11-8, LeBron James wins.

Edit: Jake clearly wasn’t going to back down on this - so we sent it to NBA 2K. The GIANT KILLER succeeded again! Wade dominated LeBron all the way to an 11-5 victory. First Wilt, then KD, now LeBron - WHO GOT NEXT?!

Kobe Bryant vs Kareem-Abdul-Jabbar

Jake: This is pretty tough to judge, these two despite their differences in playing style, are almost identical with their accolades and stats. Kobe averaged 25 a game for his career, Kareem averaged 24. They both played 20 seasons. They both won five rings with the Lakers. Kareem made 19 All-Star games, Kobe made 18. They’ve both won the scoring title twice. Kobe was on 12 All-Defensive teams, Kareem made 11. They won 2 Finals MVP awards each. Kobe only won 1 MVP award compared to Kareem’s 6, but let’s face it, he should’ve won at least two more and the one he DID win was probably an apology for the previous times he was robbed. Anyway, it was interesting seeing how similar these guys are from an accolade point of view.

Here comes the controversy… I don’t believe in the Skyhook. That’s not to say that it wasn’t a stupidly unguardable shot during Kareem’s era, but double teams, defensive positioning and denying entry passes were not a thing back then. I honestly think it would be much tougher in today’s league to pull off shots like that. But we’re not here to talk team-ball, we’re simulating a one-on-one tournament where the only barricade standing in your way is the other player… Kareem picked a helluva player.

Enter, Kobe Bryant. Possibly the most fanatical “prepper” in the history of the league. Sure, you can’t compare him to MJ, Mike was playing on another planet compared to his peers, but in terms of game preparation and attention to detail - Kobe is second to none. We’re talking about a dude who would lose sleep (because he never tried to sleep anyway) game planning on how to stop his opponent. The same guy who breaks down in acute detail the little things he did to stop a player, fair or unfair, down to the smallest factors. Even to the point of letting players score a couple on him to drop their guard, so he could surprise them at the most unexpected moment and dominate them. If you haven’t read Mamba Mentality, I highly recommend it. You really get a sense that the guy had a plan for everybody. I can’t see Kareem getting the jump on someone who’s already ten-pages deep into a strategy to neutralise him - most people associate “Kobe!” with a fadeaway jump-shot versus a triple team, few recall the twelve All-Defensive team nominations.

Anyway, back to the skyhook. The reason I don’t think it’s effective here is because the very nature of the hook shot means there will be a defender on your back, bumping into you, using that elbow to apply downwards pressure, inches away from contesting your shot. They don’t need to swat it for it to be considered a good defensive possession, they only need cause enough disruption that it immediately becomes sub-optimal. Kareem might have mastered the shot, but I’d count on Kobe’s mentality, his edge, combined with all of the lethal offensive weapons we haven’t even spoken about, to outweigh Kareem’s physical/skill dominance.

Final Score: 11-9, Kobe finishes a close game with the fallaway jumper to seal the deal.

Chad: To be honest, other than Kobe rising up to reject a Kareem one-hand-jam attempt, this one is pretty boring. Very few missed shots here but several changes of possession due to steals and blocks that you’d expect to see in a matchup of a seven-foot legend and the six-foot-seven Mamba. It goes back and forth and into OT where at last, Kobe wills himself to topple the giant and end the matchup with a tea bagging that tasted and looked similar to Bryant’s tea party with Dwight Howard back in Howard’s Orlando Magic days.

Final Score: 16-14, Kobe Bryant wins.

Giannis Antetokounmpo vs Kawhi Leonard

Jake: Okay let’s sum this up quickly. Both of these guys are All-NBA defenders, and have been multiple times. Here’s the difference though - Giannis has averaged over 1 steal and block per game for five seasons (very nearly six), Kawhi has averaged it twice. Giannis has 4 inches and over 10lbs on Kawhi and is athletically superior in every single way except hand size. “But Kawhi Leonard has a jumpshot!” I hear you say? What use is a jumpshot if the guy you’re playing is so long and athletic that he could excel in just about every Olympic jumping event? Kawhi might be a beast in a five-on-five game, he might have a mid-range game comparable to MJ’s, he might have a lower body barely worth 0.5% of his salary, but put him one-on-one with Giannis and he’s going to get exposed. It’s that simple.

Final Score: 11-5, The Greek Freak backs Kawhi down for the 100th time, but uses his Monstar-like spider legs to spin past The Klaw and flush the ball home to win it.

Chad: Now this is a matchup I’d love to see so I won’t cop out and make another joke about how there is absolutely no way Kawhi is still healthy and playing every game at this point in the tournament. Physically, Giannis has the advantage in length and athleticism but not by so much that Kawhi can’t hold his own. And when it comes to talent, Kawhi obviously has the edge considering he actually has a jumper, but it’s not such a big advantage since Giannis is known for blocking jays of guys like King James himself. This matchup lasts for days with both Giannis and Kawhi blocking and stealing the rock on more possessions than they put the ball in the hole. I’d like to see this one play out on 2K simply to count how many possession don’t end in a score. To my best estimation I’d say 19 of 47 possessions end in a score with Kawhi taking it 11-9 on the lone three ball of the game.

Final Score: 11-9, Kawhi Leonard wins.

Edit: The takes were too strong, we needed to see how this played out on 2K. The Greek Freak used his spider-like athleticism to hold Kawhi to just 6 points, winning 11-6.

Michael Jordan vs Larry Bird

Jake: I watched a game earlier where Bird decided he was going to shoot left-handed for the entire game, and the man dropped a 47 point triple-double. I repeat, forty-seven points. However impressive that is though, when you look very carefully at the defense that he’s playing against? I genuinely think I could’ve made it to the league back then and done a better job guarding him - and I’m 6ft in shoes, 25 years old with the knees of a 40 year old and so-so athleticism at best. Sorry Larry, you’re a Legend, but it’s just not close.

Final Score: 11-4, Jordan drives toward the basket, tongue out, fakes the layup and jumps past a high-flying Bird for the up-and-under-scibbidy-scoop-da-hoop. Game Over.

Chad: Are you even watching The Last Dance? If the answer is no, what are you doing with your life? If the answer is yes, and you don’t know the answer to this matchup then, the answer was really no and you just felt embarrassed to say so. Bird was a killer but Jordan’s whole mission through his early career was to topple Magic and Larry. Given the opportunity to literally go head-to-head with Mr. Legend, this would be a blood bath. I won’t go so far as to say Bird wouldn’t get a stop or two and drop in a couple buckets but it ain’t close.

Final Score: 11-4, Michael Jordan wins.

Liked our takes? Thought 2K robbed LeBron? Don't worry, Chad thought so too. Pop us a comment below to give us your ideas on how the tournament would play out!

Next time, in THE FINAL FOUR!

- Jake is in Shooting Guard heaven.

- Chad drops a new Games Show! Featuring a dramatic turn of luck for Jake.