All-Time NBA 1v1 Tournament - Round Three

We’re quarantined, bored and only going slightly crazy, so you can only imagine how excited we are to present Round Three of our ultimate 1v1 NBA tournament! Last week saw notable greats get burned such as Jerry Krau- Oh wait, that was the Jordan doc. If you’re like us and you get a watery mouth and tingles in your fingers even thinking about NBA content, then you’ll love this week’s tournament match-ups. Will the BBQ-Chicken devourer make it past the Cap? Will Mamba bite the Mailman? Will Chad finally win an NBA 2K20 match-up? All that and more below.  

For those of you who are spurning our beautiful content entirely and didn’t witness Chad writing the greatest misdirection piece (check his Payton-Durant match-up) this site has ever seen, here’s a little breakdown of our tournaments ins and outs.

The Nitty-Gritty:

1. We took turns picking their top 32 players and seeded them 1-64 in a March-Madness style tournament bracket.

2. The players were picked as if they were the prime version of themselves.

3. We took no notice of seeding match-ups until after our draft.

Tournament Rules:

1. First to 11.

2. Two-pointers count as 1 point, three-pointers count as 2 points.

3. Highest seed starts with the ball.

4. Make it, take it.

5. No blood, no foul.

6. If we disagree on the result, we got 30 seconds to make a case to each other, if nobody swayed, NBA 2K20 was used to simulate the match-up.

Without further ado, we present to you, Round Tw-damnit that didn’t work, well… here’s Round Three.

Michael Jordan vs Tracy McGrady

Chad: For being the #1 seed MJ has probably had the toughest road to the Sweet 16 of anyone here. Not that he’s played the best players, but as far as matchups go he’s had it rough. And he’s got another one here in TMac. McGrady is essentially Pippen if you take a few points off Pip’s defense and add it to his offense. That’s huge in one-one-one when really defense is a matter of playing just well enough that you force the other player into a bad enough shot that they miss. Then all you gotta do is maintain possession. Because of that, we’re gonna see our first murder of the tournament. Jordan activates “Killer Mode” and with a furrowed brow and fist pump. Trash talks McGrady all the way into the San Antonio Spurs locker room where he fades into obscurity.

Final Score: 11-0, The GOAT wins.

Jake: While G.O.A.T might seem like the clear favourite here, I can actually envision this being closer than it first seems. Both of these guys have entire tool chests of offensive skills, the athleticism and first step to blow past each other, as well as ridiculous efficiency on outside jumpshots. T-Mac doesn’t start with the ball though, so 13 points in 35 seconds is out of the question here. There’s no question we’re going to see some big-time points put up, these guys are going to trade buckets like they’re in some kind of dystopian universe where steel is currency. MJ’s inner-dog on defense comes through for him here, in a battle like this it’s only going to take one or two steals for someone to go two points clear. If history tells us anything about this game, Mike is gonna’ come out on top.

Final Score: 17-15, Jordan strips T-Mac mid-dribble, takes the ball to the top of the key and sinks a silky mid-range jumper to send McGrady home.

Larry Bird vs Vince Carter

Chad: In a stunning first twenty-two possessions of Sweet 16 basketball, Larry Legend follows that epic routing by His Airness and KOs Vinsanity, 11-0. Like Mike, Bird is an assassin and a savant for knowing when to kick it into high gear. Seeing Carter’s ferocious windmills in warmups and knowing he had defied the odds and took down The Dream in the round of 32, Bird knew he could leave nothing to chance. As humble a superstar as they come (excluding Duncan), Bird would’ve been the first person to tell you he was no match for VC in the athleticism department. So never allowing Carter to get the ball was his best and only option. It seems crazy to say but had Carter touched the ball, this was probably game over. Thankfully Bird didn’t let that happen so we can see a one-on-one version of that classic McDonald’s commercial of MJ vs. Larry Legend in the Elite Eight.

Final Score: 11-0, Larry Legend wins.

Jake: If we were comparing complete basketball players here, Bird would win hands down, no questions asked. But we’re talking about an one-on-one match-up, so I’ve got to give Vince some real consideration. He’s got the defensive athleticism to stick with Larry Legend, could contest almost any shot (though we know that doesn’t faze Mr. 50/40/90) and has the hops to out rebound any missed shots. I could see this becoming a bit of a brick-fest personally, I think VC could struggle to score against the long, versatile, stingy defense of Bird. However, Vince might give up a few inches in height, but he weighs the same as Larry, has unlimited bounce and just enough in his offensive bag to get the W here.

Final Score: 11-9, Carter uses his lightning-quick first step to get around Bird for the filthy up-and-under lay in.

Edit: Chad was able to convince Jake that Air Canada’s engines could be blocked by Bird(s), Larry Legend goes through here.

Shaquille O’Neal vs Giannis Antetokounmpo

Chad: Now we got a contest! We might as well just have them play themselves. Shaq starts with the ball and Freak is in a spider-like defensive stance just below the free throw line, daring Shaq to shoot. That’s gonna be a theme in this one so I won’t continue to mention it, just imagine that’s happening on each possession. Shaq doesn’t take the bait, driving full steam ahead into Freak who bounces backwards then sticks the landing and holds his ground just outside the charge circle. Shaq tries to force a finish through Antetokounmpo’s arms reminiscent of his first battle with Yao back in the 2000s. No dice. Giannis rips down the rebound and begins his first offensive possession. His tactic is to use his elite fast break ability to his advantage by starting each possession at half court and getting a full head of steam before colliding with Big Diesel. He starts with the rock in his right, crosses to his left at the three point line, turns Shaq just enough to rise up with his left and flush one around Shaq’s meaty paws. 1-0. Next possession, same tactic but finished with a spin move and right handed lay-in. 2-0. Shaq doesn’t like being embarrassed so the next time the Greek Freak comes barreling into the paint he’s not met with defense, but an MMA style forearm shiver. It bends Giannis over but doesn’t knock him to the ground. He recovers and tries to bank a right handed two foot floater off the glass. Clank! Shaq grabs the defensive board and heads to the top of the key before immediately turning around and catching Giannis just in front of the rim. The two giants leap. The Big Aristotle spreads his legs, lifts his knees, the ball in both hands, and over an outstretched and vulnerable Giannis, shatters the backboard while turning Antetokounmpo into a heap on the floor. 2-1 for Giannis. Freak bounces back up and the two jog down to the opposite end of the court to continue the game. Shaq bangs Giannis down into the deep post and spins middle for a baby hook that Giannis nearly times perfectly, his outstretched hand missing the ball by millimeters. 2-2. Fast forward a bit… 10-10. It’s been a back and forth matchup that’s lasted nearly 30 minutes. With his stamina running low, a tired Shaq Fu decides to try his luck with a three to end the game. Unsurprisingly, considering he only made one three his entire NBA career, it careens off the rim into Giannis’ hands. Feeling like he has a free possession, Giannis tries the same thing. Brick! When Shaq gets the ball back he sets his feet, aims, fires… NOTHING BUT… air. The two bigs check the ball at the top of the key and Giannis takes off towards the basket trying to catch Shaq off guard. He’s met by a 325lb brick wall. Giannis stumbles and nearly loses his dribble, resetting himself outside the three point line. Seeing Shaq didn’t follow him out, he steps into a three from the wing. While we don’t think of Giannis as being a good shooter, he’s a career 28.5% three point marksmen while Shaq is a measly 4.5%. Shaq watches the ball’s path through the air, tracking the rebound, and shifts his body to the right side of the floor, anticipating the bounce. But the ball just misses his anticipated collision point by millimeters and bounces up, touching high on the glass before softly falling right back down through the net. 12-10, game over. Giannis Antetokounmpo bests Shaq Daddy with the one thing he does far better than the original Superman, shoot.

Final Score: 12-10, The Greek Freak wins.

Jake: It’s Shaq vs Mini-Shaq! I would pay any price to see this one. Shaquille has the size and athleticism combination here that would make it nearly impossible for Giannis to stop him in the post. As wide and long as Giannis is, he’s never faced an opponent with the sheer weight of O’Neal - almost 100 pounds heavier than the Freak. Giannis thrives in transition opportunities and using his enormous legs to get his shoulder past bigger players, but getting around Shaq is like trying to pancake a fully grown Grizzly Bear. In the event that the Greek Freak can actually get around Shaq, prime-Diesel would have no problem swallowing up his dunk attempt from behind. Seeing as Giannis has no real jumpshot threat to turn to here, no credible post-up game that could work against a literal ‘Monstar’ and half as much space to operate in - this one’s over pretty quick.

Final Score: 11-7, Giannis gets crushed in the post and dunked on so hard that he considers flying back to the land of hummus and mythical creatures.

Edit: This one went to 2K, where Giannis was able to use his ball handling and length to pour gas into Diesel’s engine, 11-5.

Tim Duncan vs Kawhi Leonard

Chad: Oooo! A rematch of old teammates. Mr. Spur vs. Mr. Spurn. Unlike Mike and Larry, Duncan doesn’t have it in him to turn it up a notch. At least not to the level needed to keep the ball out of Kawhi’s hands for an entire game. Duncan starts with the rock and puts some work on Kawhi with a few back downs topped with a dollop of finger roll and a couple turnaround bankers. 4-0. But on his next back down attempt, he pivots with the ball too low and Kawhi rips it from him with one klaw. Leonard dribbles the ball out to the wing and squares his feet robotically before popping a trey ball, swish. 4-2. After checking the rock, Kawhi drives right and fades into the corner for a mid range pull up that clanks off the rim and is boarded by Duncan only to be stripped away by a hustling Leonard and laid back up and swatted off the glass by a U.S. Virgin Islander. Kawhi chases down the ricochet and pulls up from three again, splash. 4-4. Despite tying the game in two possessions Kawhi looks so bored he might drool at any moment. He drives right again and pulls up at the elbow, rim, glass, net. 5-4. Next possession he goes right, spins left, and scoops a layup under Timmy’s outstretched arm but it rolls off the rim. With the ball back, Duncan goes on a three possession scoring stretch of bank shots and a layup before blowing the same scoop layup Kawhi did except from the opposite side. 7-5. Three ball, elbow pull up, fader into the corner. 9-7 for The Klaw. The crowd begins shouting for Kawhi to take the ball to the right corner and hoist a rainbow three that clanks off the rim, high into the air before dropping for the win, because the crowd knows that would be fun to write and read. But Kawhi don’t care what nobody thinks, so he drives right and rises up for an easy drop-in of a dunk. 10-7. With the game in his hands, Kawhi casually dribbles the ball towards the left wing/corner area and settles into some dribble moves just as Zaza Pachulia, who’s been watching the matchup from the bleachers, decides to get up and walk behind Kawhi to go get some of Yao’s, now famous, Chinese Chicken, from the concession stand. Leonard rises up for the dagger and hangs in the air as Zaza shoots his foot out under Kawhi’s feet and smiles at the camera. Just before Kawhi lands Pachulia is heard audibly mumbling to himself in a Georgian accent, “I guess once was enough,” before pulling his foot back and heading off to the concessions to fuel up for the NBA Player’s Tournament All-Star Game where somehow the fans voted him in despite him not actually being involved. We’ll have to rework the voting rules for next year. Anyways, Kawhi won. 12-7. Kawhi sits down on the bench postgame and now truly bored, finally drools, looks down at the pool of spit on the floor, and ehe-HUH-hu-hu-hu’s to himself.

Final Score: 12-7, The Klaw is victorious.

Jake: This one would make a great ending to a movie. The student becomes the master. Mr Fundamental has all of the right skills to make it this far in the tournament, but I think his journey ends here. Kawhi has just about EVERY box checked to beat the big guy: Inside-outside scoring game, check. Shutdown perimeter and inside defense, check. Long, athletic and quick, check. Able to pull down rebounds over players bigger than him, check. Able to hit threes, blow by opponents and finish around the rim, check. I can name at least three of those attributes that Timmy D doesn’t do on an elite level, don’t get me wrong - he’s an helluva’ all round player, but only his inside defense and scoring is truly elite, whereas Kawhi has a much longer list of elite skills that ultimately help him prevail in a one-on-one. If you’re asking me who I want to build a team around, it’s Duncan. But if you ask me who I want to bet $100 on in a one-on-one game, it’s The Klaw.

Final Score: 11-7, Kawhi shuts down an inside attempt by the big fella, grabs the loose ball, turns on a dime and powers home the jam to end Duncan’s tournament hopes.

LeBron James vs Steph Curry

Chad: Unlike the overall #1 seed, MJ, LeBron has had a relative cakewalk through to the Sweet Sixteen as the overall #2 seed. The only person who’s had it easier is his opponent in this round, Stephen Wardell Curry. Curry has won his past two matchups by a combined score of 24-0, never playing a second of defense. That scoreless/defenseless streak ends here. LeBron starts the game by bullying the much smaller Curry all the way to the hole for a flush. LeBron stands with his outstretched hand stuck in the air as he stares down the lone Splash Brother. LeBron’s basketball IQ is too high to take jumpers in this matchup. We finally see him do what he should’ve done to Curry on every single possession Curry switched onto him during the NBA Finals: beat him to a pulp. Gotta give respect where it’s due, Curry gets low, leans forward, and does his best to keep Bron from the paint but he wears down quickly as James continually throws his weight around. Respect given, dignity taken. 11-0 for The King.

Final Score: 11-0, The King cooks The Chef.

Jake: LeBron is a transcendent basketball player, he has unlimited court vision, incredible scoring abilities and can play lockdown defense when he wants to…

SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!

Final Score: 12-9, The Chef gets hot from deep and takes down The King with a barrage of three-pointers.

Edit: We had to settle this on NBA 2K20. The Chef started off strong with some surprisingly swift around-the-rim moves, but The King ultimately kicked babyface off the throne to win 11-9.

Dwyane Wade vs Kevin Durant

Chad: Can we finally get D.Wade out of this freaking tournament?! The answer is no, but let me explain why. As we saw against Wilt, Dwyane’s smaller stature and quick hands actually played to his advantage. While Durant is a better dribbler than Wilt he’s still notorious for losing the ball in traffic. Wade will take full advantage of Durant’s lack of ball handling just like he did in the previous round. Add to that the fact that Wade will actually be able to get an offensive rebound or two in this matchup that Wilt totally gobbled up in the last one and you’ve got extra opportunities for Flash when he does miss. Durant won’t make it easy, being a much better mid -range and three point shooter than Wilt was, but ultimately hard-nosed defense takes the cake here with Flash outlasting Cupcake, 16-14.

Final Score: 16-14, D-Wade wins this one.

Jake: I know Chad is expecting a Wade-fanboy take with this one. Much to his delight, I can’t pick Kevin Durant over Dwyane Wade. Durant is probably the most potent scorer that the league has ever seen. Able to shoot, finish or finesse just about anybody in the league, I truly think that he might have become a Top 6-7 All Time player if he hadn’t suffered that brutal achilles injury last year. Still, we’re picking prime-examples of players here, and as much as it pains my heart to admit it, Prime-KD would DEMOLISH Wade in a game to 11. Durant’s scoring tools combined with his elite athleticism, length and underrated lockdown defense are going to be too much for Mr Miami here. He’d shut down driving lines, be able to block pump fakes even after biting and could contest just about every at-rim shot that Wade attempted. I might just put this one on NBA 2K in my spare time so I can root for Wade, and I truly believed Wade could beat Wilt Chamberlain before he proved me right. But I’d be fooling myself to take Wade over Durant here.

Final Score: 11-6, Durant hits his umpteenth pull-up midrange jumper to take the spark out of Flash.

Edit: Surprising, Jake wouldn’t back down on this one, so it went to 2K. Wade proceeded to absolutely annihilate Durant by taking away his dribble and pounding the ball inside to win 11-3. Jake now feels like a traitor and declines to ever bet against Wade again.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar vs Yao Ming

Chad: If anyone could’ve blocked Kareem’s sky hook it’s Yao. Not because he was a super skilled shot blocker but simply by nature of being 7 foot 6. The first ever sky hook rejection is not enough though. I won’t waste your time with the play-by-play here. Suffice it to say, Yao surprises again with a solid showing but ultimately loses, 11-5.

Final Score: 11-5, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wins.

Jake: Yao is 4 inches taller, almost 100 pounds heavier and has a MUCH longer reach. But we’re talking about Lewis Alcindor Jr here. The league’s All-Time leading scorer was also a four-time blocks leader and an eleven-time All Defensive player. This is truly a battle of the giants and as fond as I’ve become of The Great Wall that is Mr Yao Ming, I think Abdul-Jabbar is a much more polished offensive talent and capable of contesting shots that Yao has never had contested before and certainly doesn’t have the raw skill to make.

Final Score: 11-7, Kareem hits the high, fading bank shot over Yao’s ridiculously long reach to send him back across the damn Pacific, finally.

Karl Malone vs Kobe Bryant

Chad: Another battle for the ages! Very few highlights are made in this mid-range exhibition but that doesn’t make the monster vs. the Mamba any less exciting. Kobe starts with the ball and misses a three ball long which Malone tracks down and begins his offensive onslaught. If there is a shooting guard other than Jordan who could battle with The Mailman it’s Kobe and he does that here, making Malone work for every basket. By the time the late, great Kobe Bryant gets the rock back it’s 3-0. Kobe takes Karl right then left on back-to-back possessions for faders on opposite sides of the floor. 3-2 for Malone. On his third consecutive possession he takes Malone to the rack and gets blocked but the ball goes out of bounds, still Mamba basketball. Kobe pulls from three upon checking the ball and it hits nothing but net. 4-3, Bryant. It’s classic Kobe heat check time! Three ball. 6-3. Three ball. 8-3. Three ball. Hits glass and no rim but Kobe out hustles Malone to the ball and quickly lays it in for a six point lead. Malone gets a stop on the following possession and plays bully ball to drop in two more points. 9-5. Kobe, sensing things aren’t going well if he doesn’t get the ball back soon, stages an incredible defensive stand, feigning that he’s gonna battle with Malone before stealing another of Jordan’s moves by releasing pressure just as Malone tries to lunge into him and sneaking around to swat the ball out of Malone’s hands ultimately retrieving the ball between The Mailman’s legs. And as a subliminal, I’m-still-better-than-LeBron shot, Kobe takes off for the right wing and shoots a fading turnaround jumper off the glass, not for the tie, but for the win.

Final Score: 11-5, Mamba takes down Mailman.

Jake: Unlimited range, unbelievable athleticism, unachievable persona, unparalleled instincts.

What do we say?

Koooooooooooooobeeeeeeee!

Final Score: 11-5, Kobe finesses Malone for what seems like the hundredth time with an elbow pump-fake jumper.

Liked our takes? Got your own? Drop us a comment below!

A few nibbles for you to chew on for Round Four:

- Battle of the Banana Boat.

- Can the Klaw put the clamps on the Freak?

- Will MJ cap off his doc-release with another 11-0 masterclass against Larry Bird?