All-Time NBA 1v1 Tournament - Round Two

What’s up, all you cool Hoopers and Hustlers? Yes we’ve got Tiger King fever over here, but a Hoop King has yet to be crowned - and so the show goes on! Last week we witnessed the biggest international finesse since Darko Milicic managed to convince the Detroit Pistons he was worth taking over Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony or Chris Bosh. That’s right, Mr Great Wall himself, Yao Ming, managed to knock Kevin Garnett out of our holy tournament - and that wasn’t the only stunning upset, if you’re interested then check out Round One here. So, while I’ve been licking my wounds and Chad’s been basking in eternal glory while eating KG’s barbecue chicken, we’ve also been playing Round Two of the tournament!

For those of you who love to begin a book from mid-way through (and are insane), and decided to skip Round One - here's a quick recap of the creation and guidelines of the tournament.

The Nitty-Gritty:

1. We took turns picking their top 32 players and seeded them 1-64 in a March-Madness style tournament bracket.

2. The players were picked as if they were the prime version of themselves.

3. We took no notice of seeding match-ups until after our draft.

Tournament Rules:

1. First to 11.

2. Two-pointers count as 1 point, three-pointers count as 2 points.

3. Highest seed starts with the ball.

4. Make it, take it.

5. No blood, no foul.

6. If we disagree on the result, we got 30 seconds to make a case to each other, if nobody swayed, NBA 2K20 was used to simulate the match-up.

So lace up your hot takes, tuck in your trash talk and get ready to witness greatness.

Michael Jordan vs Allen Iverson

Jake: This ones pretty simple. AI is out of his depth here, he might be able to get buckets on the regular against most players in this competition, but Michael Jordan isn’t “most players”. Mike’s combination of speed, size and general athleticism is going to cause issues for AI already. That’s without even getting into the bevy of offensive moves the GOAT could pu- ...you know what, I’m not even going to justify this, Jordan is licking his lips at this matchup.

Final Score: 11-6, Jordan hits the hanging midrange jumper and proceeds to step over Iverson - who’s been reduced to a heap on the ground.

Chad: The classic highlight of A.I. crossing Jordan is the first thing that springs to mind when thinking about an Iverson/Jordan one-on-one matchup. Iverson will have his fair share of highlights in this one, making Jordan fight for a win in both of the first two rounds, but while Iverson is a fighter, Jordan is a straight bully in every sense of the word. M.J. would be barking at Iverson the whole game about how he’s too small while bodying and hand checking the smaller Iverson at every opportunity. Jordan backs down Iverson and drops in a fadeaway jumper, legs kicking out and all, to win the game.

Final Score: 11-7, Michael Jordan wins.

Scottie Pippen vs Tracy McGrady

Jake: I’m almost certain this one’s heading to 2k. I think T-Mac has the athleticism, defensive tools, mindset and offensive repertoire to make this a nightmare matchup for Scottie. Pippen is a legendary defender, and I’m sure he’s going to cause some major issues for McGrady, but ultimately I think T-Mac has a killer mentality similar to MJ or Kobe, that gets him over the hump to win it.

Final Score: 11-9, McGrady avoids the chase down block and gets the game winning finger roll to fall.

Chad: Definitely one of my favorite matchups of the second round, this one is a true battle of offense vs. defense. T-Mac in his prime is one of the greatest one-on-one scorers the game has ever seen, while Pippen is an all-time defender who had the benefit of honing his craft trying to lockdown Jordan in practice every day. That experience mixed with Pippen’s all-star level scoring in his own right, an MVP candidate during the years Jordan retired in the mid-90s, puts Pip over the top of McGrady like a particularly disrespectful teabagging of Patrick Ewing.

Final Score: 12-10, Scottie Pippen wins.

Edit: We couldn’t agree on this one and sent it to NBA2K20. These two bounced off each other as if they were playing a clone of themselves. But eventually T-Mac got it done with a running floater to win 11-8.

Hakeem Olajuwon vs Vince Carter

Jake: Half Man Half Amazing wins this for me. Olajuwon might have otherworldly athleticism and a well rounded skill set, but a prime Vince would leave him chasing dust. Hakeem is probably going to score some pretty easy buckets here, but I think Carter’s inside-out scoring threat makes it too tough to stop the blood flowing.

Final Score: 11-8, Air Canada jams the ferocious slam with authority, turning The Dream’s tournament chances into a nightmare.

Chad: Carter’s attempts at posterizing David Robinson in the previous round made for some great highlights and he’ll have a few more here, but the outcome will be much different. Carter won’t create space with as much ease against the agile Olajuwon. Not to mention Olajuwon was a far better defender around the rim compared to Robinson. Olajuwon led the league in blocks three times to Robinson’s one and even averaged over four blocks per game (3x total) one season and DIDN’T lead the league in blocks that year. That insanity is too much for the high flying Vinsanity. Hakeem sends Vince back to Toronto, or New Jersey, or Orlando, or wherever he’s headed to next because he won’t be playing here tomorrow.

Final Score: 11-6, Hakeem Olajuwon wins.

Edit: Another we couldn’t agree on. In a major turn of events, Vince Carter SOMEHOW managed to get blocked 12 times and still come up with the clutch win, 13-11.

Larry Bird vs Klay Thompson

Jake: Klay is in too far over his head here. I love him as a player and a personality but he’s not keeping up with Bird. Larry Legend has the defensive versatility to stay with Thompson anywhere on the floor, making every shot difficult and exposing Klay’s lack of off-the-dribble game. Klay is a great defender, but he hasn’t got that special “something extra” to truly put the clamps on Bird.

Final Score: 11-7, Bird hits the reverse lay up, daps up Klay, pats Rocco goodbye and heads off to ice his knees/back/entire body for Round Three!

Chad: This one would be a battle of pure basketball beauty. Klay sniping from the outside and sneaking in a few fundamental lay-ins while Bird dominates the boards and drops the rock in from all over. It comes down to the final possession, Bird has the ball having come back from down three. He jabs Thompson to the left and doesn’t even get him to flinch. Bird shrugs his shoulders in his typical calm demeanor and methodically begins his attack to the right but being an average athlete doesn’t get his shoulder around Thompson enough to get a good look near the rim so Bird does what Bird does and takes advantage of what the defense gives him. He continues on his path until he’s behind the backboard where he turns one-on-one into a game of H-O-R-S-E while sinking an over the backboard jumper to seal the deal.

Final Score: 14-12, Larry Bird wins.

Shaquille O’Neal vs Paul Pierce

Jake: I’d love to write this off as another Chad-style “Diesel.” take, but I actually think Pierce would give Shaq some buckets here - He’s crafty and has some old man game to him, so I think he’s going to be able to get a few decent shots over the big fella. That being said I don’t feel the need to justify the next statement: It’s not enough.

Final Score: 11-6, Shaq bullies Pierce down low and wins with a rim-rocking dunk that shakes the bleachers.

Chad: Pierce puts up a much stronger fight than Crawford, challenging Shaq at the rim on multiple occasions after Shaq bricks a couple baby hooks, but once the Big Aristotle decides he’s done being pestered by this 6 foot 7 inch fly, the game ends with a hip thrusting facial of a dunk. Pierce fakes an injury to hide the skid marks in his shorts and is carted off in a wheelchair for old times sake. The game ends early in a 8-4 O’Neal victory.

Final Score: 8-4, Shaquille O’Neal wins by skid mark default.

Giannis Antetokounmpo vs Russell Westbrook

Jake: Russell Westbrook might be one of the scariest players to be running towards you in the entire history of the league, Giannis is THE scariest. His ridiculous length coupled with video game athleticism is so damn tough to score over - but if there’s one player who would dare to, it’s Russell Westbrook. Russell is like a smaller Giannis, but with a genuine array of polished basketball skills - a tight handle, soft pull-up midrange shot and a streaky three-point card up his sleeve. How many isolation plays have you seen Giannis score from that have involved skills OTHER THAN just stepping past someone? His only game-winning jumpshot was probably one of the ugliest looking game winners I’ve ever seen. Russ on the other hand can challenge Giannis with around the rim finishes AND outside moves, he’s fiesty enough on defense to get a few steals and strong enough to at least put himself in positions to challenge Giannis’s inside game. To truly “get” my take, you’ve got to remember here - this isn’t a full court game, Giannis thrives in transition and there’s not that much room here to take advantage of.

Final Score: 12-10, Westbrook takes a forearm to the face but manages to finish the scoop layup past one pissed off Greek Freak.

Chad: Talk about bulldogs! This one would have a full blown fight somewhere in the middle. But once the lone referee got things under control…I’m just kidding, no referee in his right mind would get between these two wrestling hyenas. But once Giannis inevitably pinned Russ with his freakish strength, the game would resume with Giannis making Westbrook look like a little boy on his way to four straight dunks to move on to the Sweet Sixteen for the matchup of the tournament: Prime Shaq vs. Prime Giannis.

Final Score: 11-5, Giannis Antetokounmpo wins.

Edit: Chad was able to make a convincing argument including but not limited to Giannis hailing from the land of hummus, and we’ve agreed to send him through to Round Three. Sorry Russ.

Charles Barkley vs Kawhi Leonard

Jake: This match-up really intrigues me. I think these two are pretty evenly matched in most basketball skills - they defend at a super-high level, have bursts of unreal athleticism, pull down boards, put up points at a good clip and occasionally take off their blinders to throw a good pass now and then. The winning factor here for me is going to be who can score in the largest variety of ways, The Klaw has a three-point shot that’s proven to be a knockdown threat and I think that puts him over Barkley in a super tight game.

Final Score: 11-9, Kawhi swallows up an inside shot by Chuck, calmly takes the ball outside, sizes him up and drops in the pull-up midrange J. Shaq is giggling at Barkley from the sidelines.

Chad: There’s nothing to say here. Kawhi can’t play in back-to-backs. Barkley wins by default.

Edit: Jake was able to convince Chad that Kawhi had taken enough ice baths to compete in this one, he wins it and goes through to Round Three.

Tim Duncan vs Ray Allen

Jake: I love Ray Allen, and I have a soft spot for him as a Miami Heat fan but his tournament ends here. Timmy D is too versatile, a superior scorer inside the arc and starts with the ball - Ray’s not getting any breaks here.

Final Score: 11-4, Duncan caps off an easy game with a turnaround jumper from the low block over a helpless Ray Allen.

Chad: Duncan wasn’t even on the floor when Ray Allen made what some (only Jake) call “the greatest shot in NBA history.” First of all, that shot didn’t even win the game, it sent it to OT. And secondly, and most unfortunately for Allen, and Jake’s nostalgic moment, this is prime Duncan, not over the hill, sitting on the bench during crunch time Duncan. Allen knocks in several shots from long distance to make the score respectable, but ultimately Duncan grabs all the rebounds a duo of Danny Green and Manu Ginobili couldn’t come up with in that fateful Game 6. Being make-it-take-it, threes are only as good as your streak of making them. Once Duncan gets the ball back for his second stretch on offense, it’s game over as he ricochets in bank shot after bank shot.

Final Score: 11-6, Tim Duncan takes down Jesus Shuttlesworth.

LeBron James vs Isiah Thomas

Jake: Bron Bron.

Final Score: 11-1, LeBron teaches Thomas to put some respect on his name by torching him with a deep three to win it.

Chad: LOL.

Final Score: Not even close.

Stephen Curry vs Magic Johnson

Jake: Magic starts with the ball here, but I’m not sure that helps him. These two are going to put up buckets on each other, and although there’s a huge size difference I could see them both getting some pretty good stops, Curry is underrated as a defender. I imagine Magic blocking some inside attempts from the Chef and Steph able to get his hands on some of Magic’s dribble moves. Johnson created his legend in the transition game with generational vision, not necessarily by breaking down defenders and killing it from deep like Steph Curry. That’s the kind of factor that comes into play in a one-on-one tourney, if you can get straight up buckets in iso-situations and hold your own defensively, you’re in pretty good shape. Steph takes this for me.

Final Score: 15-13, Steph caps off a long back and forth game with a side-step three point bomb to seal it.

Chad: Being the nice guy that he is, Magic lets Curry start with the ball. SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! 12-0 for Curry who has yet to play a second of defense.

OR

Magic attempts a sky hook reminiscent of his rookie performance in the NBA Finals, only this time it clanks off side iron and careens towards the security guard standing near the locker room where Curry retrieves the ball and heaves a rain drop all in one fluid motion. SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH! 12-0.

Final Score: 12-0, Stephen Curry wins.

Wilt Chamberlain vs Dwyane Wade

Jake: How do you beat a tall generational athlete with a great offensive repertoire? You choose a quick, strong, uber-athletic guard who can create angles and finish with either power or finesse any position on the floor as well as holding the record for most blocks by a guard their size. Dwyane Tyrone Wade is that giant-killer. No disrespect to Wilt, the talent back then was minimal compared to the talent league-wide in the last 20 years - 100 points is 100 points, no doubt, but could Wilt keep up with an all-time guard who’s talent level and skill set he’s never had to face? You can be the judge of that, but I’m saying no.

Final Score: 21-19, in the longest game of our tournament so far, Wade makes back to back circus shots past the insanely athletic Wilt to push through to Round Three.

Chad: Sorry, Jake but this doesn’t go well for your boy. Chamberlain stands at 7 foot 1, has a 48 inch vertical, and is the strongest NBA player on record benching 500 pounds. Wade stands at 6 foot 4, has a vertical of 31.5 inches, and his bench number is so relatively forgettable that it can’t be found on the internet. And that’s just the physical numbers. Wilt played in eleven fewer games than The Flash and still dropped in 8,000 more points and 19,000 more rebounds. I mean… �. I’d love to watch a gritty, young Wade try to move a mountain but ultimately mountains can’t be moved.

Final Score: 11-2, Wilt Chamberlain wins.

Edit: Obviously Jake wasn’t going to budge on this. It went to NBA 2K and Wade proceeded to cause the biggest upset of the tournament so far by edging out Wilt 14-12.

Kevin Durant vs Gary Payton

Jake: The Glove is going to give Durant a tough time here, KD can shoot over anyone, but it’s helluva’ hard to shoot over someone when they’re up in your grill 99% of the game and have every defensive trick in the book mastered. Still, people forget that only a couple of years ago, Durant was in the running for Defensive Player of the Year for almost 3/4 of the season. He’s long, athletic, capable of hitting shots anywhere, anytime. Payton had a great run, but that run is over.

Final Score: 11-7, Durant evades a pesky Payton for the slithery finger roll finish.

Chad: If Patrick Beverly was an all-star we’d have real life proof of what this matchup looks like for Durant. Durant is a softie and Payton is hard as nails. Payton, three inches taller than Pat, also averaged 8 points more than Beverley throughout his career making him a far greater scoring threat than the Clippers’ bulldog. Payton also was a far bigger nuisance when it came to real, in-game defense averaging 0.6 more steals per game for his career and averaging over two steals per game eight times. Beverley has never done that, he simply irritates the sh*t out of Mr. Burner Account himself by talking and being up in his space. Add to that all that Payton has to offer as an actual basketball player and Durant wins, 12-10. You really thought I was about to take Gary Payton over Kevin Durant in a game of one-on-one didn’t you? LOL

Final Score: 12-10, Kevin Durant wins.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar vs Anthony Davis

Jake: Davis is too long, too athletic, too offensively talented, too defensively prolific and just too damn good to be beaten by Kareem. I think Davis’ weight advantage over Kareem would be a serious problem and enable him to push Kareem away from his sweet spots. Offensively he’s going to be able to finish inside, around and over Kareem while also pulling him outside with some perimeter shooting. I just think he’s too offensively versatile to be stopped.

Final Score: 12-10, Davis hits the midrange pull-up to go one point clear and then finishes it off with a straight line drive at the rim for a silky finish.

Chad: A.D. is one of the most skilled players in the game but he’s no Dennis Rodman. I think your hot take of Rodman over Kareem had more validity than this upset happening. Kareem is the most prolific scorer of all-time and essentially a much better version of Anthony Davis himself. Cap 11, The Brow 7.

Final Score: 11-7, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wins.

Edit: Chad was able to make a compelling argument for Kareem as Anthony Davis’ archetype with a few cups of coffee for good measure. Kareem takes this one.

Yao Ming vs Bill Russell

Jake: I was adamant that Kevin Garnett would make easy work of Yao Ming during their match-up on NBA 2K. But alas, the Chinaman put on a show for the ages and has gained a new believer in me. Bill Russell is superb defender (I thought KG was too), he’s athletic and long (so was KG) and he has the heart of a champion (do I need to continue?). Yao is going to finish past the reach of Russell again and again and again. He’s got so many sweet spots in the paint he should be selling candy out there. Defensively he’s wide-bodied enough to bang with Russell and his reach is just unfair, especially for a player not known for his offensive flair.

Final Score: 11-6, Yao makes easy work of the leagues winningest player by sinking a smooth leaning bank shot.

Chad: The echoes of KG barking “Barbecue chicken!” in Yao’s direction before taking the L still ring in the air as he watches Ming head to the Sweet Sixteen toppling another Celtics great! Since Yao is too humble to taunt anyone I’ll do it for him, “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLEEE!!!” Russell wasn’t a scorer, he was a defender, and he would have no experience playing anyone even close to Yao’s size. In head-to-head matchups Wilt out-scored and out-rebounded Russell while being five inches shorter than Yao. Yao is obviously no Wilt but Wilt was also no Yao. And while KG has a decent jumper which allowed him to avoid Yao on some possessions, he still took the L and is sitting in the stands eating that BBQ chicken he ordered. Russell doesn’t have a jumper and therefore no real hope to score here. So Yao takes this by a score of 11-3. 2K it again if you don’t believe me.

P. S. If you’re a foodie and are wondering exactly what kind of chicken Yao served Garnett, queue up “One Week” by the Barenaked Ladies and fast forward to 1:29.

Final Score: 11-3, Yao Ming wins.

Karl Malone vs Reggie Miller

Jake: Karl Malone starts with the ball. Reggie’s not getting it back, Malone is too strong and too skilled around the rim to give up steals or get blocked. Sorry Reggie, but it’s over for you my friend.

Final Score: 11-0, in a cruel twist of fates our Knick Killer doesn’t get a touch in this game, as Malone finishes the sweep with a soft post bank shot.

Chad: Two men who were haunted by being in the league as the same time as Jordan face off here. Unfortunately for Reg, he’s scrawny and Malone is a farm boy built like an ox carrying a farm boy carrying two big bags of sand. Grown man strength wins this one 11-7.

Final Score: 11-7, Karl Malone wins.

Kobe Bryant vs Dirk Nowitzki

Jake: Again, our rules dictate that Kobe starts with the ball, and I have two words to say to you. Mamba Mentality...

Final Score: 11-2, Dirk sinks a three but Kobe quickly steals the ball from him at the top of the arc and darts inside for the tomahawk jam.

Chad: A turnaround jump shot bonanza! Dirk isn’t agile enough to guard Kobe, getting posterized on multiple occasions. 11-7, Mamba.

Final Score: 11-7, Kobe Bryant wins.

Like our picks? Hate them? Give us a comment down below - we love a debate!

Tune in next week for Round Three, here's a few spoilers to wet your palette:

- A Freaky 28.5%

- Residents report what sounds like a "two cyborgs fighting" in downtown San Antonio.

- Flash vs Easy Money Sniper - what's not to like?!