NBA All-Star Live Draft Transcript

EJ: Welcome to this special edition of Inside the NBA. As always I'm joined by Kenny "The Jet" Smith, the big guy, and Chuckster.

Shaq: You can't say my name, Ernie?

EJ: Which one?

Shaq: The Grand Sha--

Chuck: Shut up dummy. No one wants to hear you come up with another nickname for yourself.

*Kenny nods in agreement*

EJ: Anyways, we've got two special guests joining us via satellite tonight for the first ever televised NBA All-Star Draft. Say hello to LeBron James and...

Chuck: I got this Ernie. Giannis Ante-mutombo.

Kenny: It's Antetokounmpo, man. We get paid to do this job. Say the man's name right.

LeBron: What's up, guys?

Giannis: *Laughing* Thanks, Kenny.

EJ: Congratulations to you two for being selected the 2019 All-Star captains. Before we get started with this much anticipated event that we'll all read way too much into, let's remind you and everyone at home of the rules.

LeBron will pick first out of the eight available all-star starters followed by Giannis and so on until all the starters are selected. There are no rules to who you can or can't pick in this round as long as they were voted a starter.

Once all the starters are on a team, we'll move to the reserves. Giannis, you'll pick first out of the reserves.

Chuck: We all know he's picking, Middleton.

EJ: Well if you let me finish we'll get to find out.

Chuck: He's got to, Ernie.

EJ: We'll see. Anyone can be picked in the reserve round except Victor Oladipo for sad, but obvious reasons, plus Dwyane Wade and Dirk Nowitzki who by rule have to be the final two picks due to their late addition to the roster as extras.

Make sense?

LeBron: We got it, Ernie!

EJ: Alright then. With the first pick in the 2019 NBA All-Star schoolyard draft, LeBron James selects...

LeBron (Chad): I gotta go with my man, K.D.. He's one of the greatest to ever do it. Loved playing with him last year in the all-star game for the first time ever. Being able to pick him again is an honor.

EJ: Not too surprising so far. Giannis, with the second pick you'll take...

Giannis (Jake): The reasoning with this pick is two-fold.

Shaq: Did he just say "two-fold?"

Giannis (Jake): Firstly, Steph chose him first in last years draft, I think Giannis is a pretty loyal, down to Earth guy - so I'm thinking he daps Steph up and doesn't owe him any favours now. Secondly, The Greek Freak's biggest weakness in his game right now is his three point shooting - so why not choose to pair up with the NBA's greatest three point shooter ever. Steph commands attention the moment he dribbles over half court with his shooting range and ability to pull up off the dribble from just about anywhere, often drawing double teams from high screens - where he can whip a pass to the best slasher in the league, Giannis. This pairing is going to cause havoc inside and outside the paint all evening.

*LeBron looks confused.*

*EJ, Kenny, Shaq, and Chuck all look around at each other wondering what's going on with Giannis.*

EJ: Okay...? LeBron? Do you want to follow that with your second pick?

LeBron (Chad): Yessir... Kawhiii! And I know what y'all are thinking, "He's trying to recruit Kawhi to L.A.." But in all honesty I'm just ready to start shooting Space Jam 2 and this is an opportunity to test out a real life Monstar squad. I mean we got me with my skillset at 6' 8", Kawhi with his two-way play at 6' 7", and K.D. at 7' 0" with one of the greatest strokes of all-time. That's otherworldly. Right, Kazaam?

Shaq: Damn right! I'm ready for my cameo, Bron!

EJ: Alright, with the fourth pick in the 2019 All-Star draft, Giannis Antetokounmpo selects...

Giannis (Jake): Despite the fact that The Beard has now dropped 30 points or more for 27 consecutive games, he doesn't get much love from LeBron who is too busy courting future favourites to join him, Durant and Kawhi, or Giannis who is too busy trying to wrench the MVP award from Harden's foul-hunting hands. But he definitely doesn't drop lower than this - despite their current two-man race for Maurice, Giannis definitely respects Harden's historic scoring and if there's one game you want to drop buckets in - it's this.

*The camera zooms in on Shaq, mouth agape with big emoji eyes. 😳*

*Chuck looks around waiting for someone to say something.*

Chuck: I'll say it! What's up with you, fool? This is a 30 minute show. We don't have all night. And you're actually talking about yourself in the first person?

Kenny: It's the third person, Chuck.

Shaq: There goes that Auburn education again.

*Shaq points his ginormous finger at Chuck and belly laughs.*

Kenny: Giannis... Do you, man.

EJ: So with the third pick, or rather his third pick, I got a little flustered there. LeBron you'll select...

LeBron (Chad): I gotta go with my little brother, Uncle Drew for this one, EJ. Obviously Kyrie has a special place in my heart from our time in Cleveland together and any chance I get to team up with him is one I gotta take. Plus, we know he shows out in big moments and I'm hoping this All-Star game is extremely competitive and we put on a good show for the fans. To paraphrase my dude Jay-Z, "He's not a showman. He's a show, man."

EJ: Anytime you and Kyrie are mentioned in the same sentence it seems like there are going to be rumors circulating about your futures and whether you'll play together again. How do you feel about that?

LeBron (Chad): Hey man, people are gonna think what they wanna think. I'm just here to put on a show with these great basketball players. Obviously I have a relationship with Kyrie too so why wouldn't I wanna hoop with guys that are like family?

EJ: Fair enough. Giannis, with the sixth pick who might you be thinking about taking?

Giannis (Jake): PG13 gets a whole lotta love from Giannis here due to their similar games - they are two-way...

Chuck: This is just too weird, man.

Kenny: Let the man talk.

Giannis (Jake): They are two-way threats on the court and both in the MVP discussion. George's return to form since his devastating injury, and now consequential first All Star starting gig has only boosted his already huge level of respect around the league. He fits into Giannis' team perfectly at the power forward spot with Giannis playing center.

EJ: Great analysis of Giannis' team, Giannis. With the second to last pick of the starting lineups, LeBron...

LeBron (Chad): Gotta go with half domination and half fun. Like I said, it's about entertainment and having a good time and no one does that better than... Shaq! But since I can't pick you Big Dog, I'm taking Joel here. Got a lot of respect for what he's bringing to the game as a big man in this era. Glad to have him on Team Bron.

EJ: And with the last pick of the starters, Giannis you get Kemba. Now for the...

Giannis (Jake): Not an ideal fit for this team but Kemba has had a huge first half of the season and Giannis certainly wouldn't be dissapointed to see a shot creating MACHINE as his last pick. With their sharp shooting and playmaking abilities Kemba and Steph will probably split their time at the 1 and 2 spots with Harden playing the 3.

*Charles walks off the set, laughing and is overheard mumbling something about the Space Jam aliens taking over Giannis' brain.*

*Ernie being the professional that he is...*

EJ: Thank you, Giannis. Now for the first pick of the reserves. You're back up Mr. Antetokounmpo.

Giannis (Jake): Like I said, Giannis is a loyal guy and I think he wastes no time in proving how grateful he is to Middleton for his steady shooting and secondary playmaking success this season - these two have powered Milwaukee to the leagues best record, so why not lead this team to an All Star victory?

*The camera zooms in on Shaq again who is crying with his hand over his mouth trying not to burst out laughing.*

Giannis (Jake): Can I go again?

EJ: No, Giannis. It's LeBron's turn.

LeBron (Chad): EJ, I'll take my guy, A.D..

Kenny: That's all you're gonna give us, Bron? We know there's more to this pick than just, "Eh, I'll take the guy from New Orleans." You're trying to get him to L.A. right?

LeBron (Chad): To take a play out of my dude Beast Mode's playbook, "I'm just here so I won't get fined."

Giannis (Jake): Now it's my turn right? Easy decision here, Russell Westbrook has a history of GOING OFF in the All Star game - despite his injury history he's still one of the league's premier athletes and an absolute monster with a full head of steam. I'd probably just cover my eyes watching him and Giannis run a fast break.

*Ok. Shaq lost it. 🤣*

Shaq: He said he'd cover his eyes!!!

*Kenny tries to keep it together but let's a laugh slip.*

EJ: Keep it together guys. Be profession...

*Ernie let's a laugh slip.*

Shaq: So, Giannis you'd cover your eyes while watching yourself run a fastbreak with, Russ?

*Uncontrollable laughter fills the Atlanta-based studio as Kenny and Shaq join Charles backstage to undoubtedly clown the Greek Freak.*

EJ: Lebron...

*Ernie runs off as well while bent over in laughter.*

LeBron (Chad): You guys are crazy. Klayyyy join Team Bron, man! Klay is one of the greatest shooters our game has ever seen. We've got the length and athleticism but bringing a sniper off the bench may be game over, Giannis. Your turn buddy.

Giannis (Jake): Thanks, man. This team hasn't got a traditional center yet, so there's no shame here in Giannis showing some European love and giving the Joker a super talented team to show off his incredible playmaking skills with. Watch for that Jokic back door pass to a rim running Russ... Baskets are about to be ripped off.

LeBron (Chad): Nice pick! I'm gonna go with my other little brother, Ben. I feel like we play a lot alike so since I'm on a minutes restriction this all-star game we might as well have my clone come in as my replacement off the bench. Back to you!

Giannis (Jake): Giannis must prefer getting passes delivered to him on a platter with this team because he's stockpiling the point guards. Steph Curry 2.0 (Damian Lillard) joins the team and gives the crowd what they love with a healthy dash of three point bombs and killer crossovers.

LeBron (Chad): Bradley Beal. Gotta get some more shooting off the bench. I hope we can give him a good time this weekend because man he seems miserable in D.C..

Giannis (Jake): Giannis will show him a good time. NOTICE: Chad and Jake regret to inform you that the reasoning for this pick (Blake Griffin) was thrown in the trash along with our already poor opinion of the NBA's premier pretty boy.

LeBron (Chad): Gimme K.A.T.. I got a lot of s**t my first several seasons in the league for not being a "killer" or competitive enough. I think we can relate on some level because of that.

Giannis (Jake): In my opinion and I'm sure Giannis' too...

*EJ, Kenny, Shaq, and Charles can be heard bawling laughing backstage in the Atlanta studio.*

Giannis (Jake): Nikola Vucevic fully deserves this All Star appearance, he's been a man possessed during the first half of the season and I really hope it results in him being moved to a team that gives him a better chance of winning. Vuc probably doesn't play many minutes at all on this team but he gets one of the best seats in the house.

*LeBron looks worried and mumbles something to Maverick Carter off set. Later YouTubers will enhance the audio and learn that LeBron asked if aliens invading NBA bodies actually happened in 1996 and if it could be happening again right now.*

LeBron (Chad): D Lo.

Giannis (Jake): Giannis isn't going to complain about having the greatest European to ever grace the game join his team. Dirk truly deserves a chance to enjoy the glamour of All Star Weekend one last time before embracing Father Time. He should get some kind of tribute video along with Dwyane Wade - though I imagine they'll play a few minutes and enjoy a standing ovation or two. It's going to be an iconic moment when Dirk attempts his signature one-footed fadeaway, let's hope he drills it.

*LeBron facepalms.*

LeBron (Chad): Giannis will take Aldridge. I'll take Lowry and D. Wade. And I hate to not show Jelly some love but I'm out!

*LeBron scrambles off set as the camera cuts to the Atlanta studio where Ernie is seen tightening his tie at the desk.*

EJ: Thanks for joining us for what was undoubtably an unforgettable night. LeBron, thank you. Giannis... Get well soon? And from everyone here at Turner Sports, goodnight.