Space Jam 2: Who will play the Monstars?

With all the buzz in recent years around a Space Jam reboot starring LeBron James and my unwavering declaration that the original is the greatest basketball movie of all-time (be on the lookout for a future post ranking all-time hoops films), I wanted to do this first ever Friday Funday post with the Space Jam antagonists in mind.

Not a whole lot is known about LeBron’s version of the epic Looney Tunes film. Will it be a remake? Or will it be a sequel? Will the soundtrack be released on cassette tape so we can put it in our portable tape player and pretend we’re MJ in the backyard? Will they market Michael’s Secret Stuff again? Or maybe a slightly less sweet LeBron's Secret Stuff? Goodness gracious, that Stuff was delicious. But ultimately, of all the unknowns, there’s one thing in particular we’re all wondering… Which NBA stars will represent each Monstar/Nerdluck?

Nawt (Red)

Originally Played By: Muggsey Bogues

I had all the Space Jam figurines growing up and I remember Nawt being reallyyy difficult to stand up. The MJs were pretty difficult to stand as well. That has nothing to do with my selection by the way, but you’ll have to bare with me while I reminisce. I loved the original movie and have gone back and forth on whether I’d even want to see a remake. But I’m at the point where I’m excited for it now. Especially if it builds off the previous one. I legit would love to try Michael’s Secret Stuff just one more time.

But let’s get down to business…

Sticking with the theme of Nawt being the smallest of the Monstars and Muggsey being the smallest of the NBA stars in the original film at 5’ 3”, I’m gonna predict that this Monstar will be played by LeBron’s banana boat buddy, Chris Paul. Paul is nowhere near Muggsey’s small stature, in fact he’s a full nine inches taller, but in a league of giants, he’s relatively tiny. I think this role could be played by CP3 not only because he’s LeBron’s buddy and we all know LeBron likes to bring his friends along with him, but Paul has a lot of acting experience doing those State Farm ads that come on every single commercial break.

My dark horse selection for this role is Kyrie. His acting debut in the movie Uncle Drew was solid. He could more than hold his own reliving his days as a member of LeBron’s supporting cast.

Pound (Orange)

Originally Played By: Charles Barkley

Of all the Monstars by far my favorite in his post-basketball life is Sir Charles. I sometimes tune into TNT on Thursday nights and don’t even watch the games. I just wait for pre-game, post-game, or halftime so I can listen to Charles go back-and-forth with Shaq and Kenny while E.J. eggs them on. But about Space Jam, I personally thought Charles did a great job in the original film. I can still clearly picture Chuck losing his powers. And the scene where he plays pick-up on the playground and the girl tells him he’s not Charles Barkley, he’s just a Charles Barkley wannabe… “Be gone! Wannabe? Be gone!” …classic! To play this larger than life, outspoken Monstar I’m going with Draymond Green. Green has worked with LeBron on several other projects, most notably “The Shop,” and they seem to have good chemistry on screen. I also think Draymond would want to do a good job and therefore would put the work in to justify him being on the team. Plus, if there’s one NBA player that may actually be able to breath fire it’s Draymond.

Bupkus (Purple)

Originally Played By: Larry Johnson

I feel like Larry Johnson is the forgotten NBA Monstar. He wasn’t really even a feature guy in the movie unless my recollection is off and in more recent years you don’t ever really think of Grandmama. My choice here to replace Johnson would make Bupkus a bit smaller but he has a similar smile, chiseled physique, can be a bit moody, and plays like a Monstar on the court. My selection here is the Brodie himself, Russell Westbrook. Russ wouldn’t be the first guy I’d think of when picking great NBA actors, but I think he has enough x-factor in him to get by in a partially animated film where he may only have a line or two. And to be honest, if he’s just Russ being Russ, that would be pretty entertaining. I mean can you even imagine Russ being turned into a ten foot, 12-hundred pound (or 85 stones for my British folks) literal monster? He’s already a figurative one. No rim would be safe.

Bang (Green)

Originally Played By: Patrick Ewing

Big and blocky, Patrick Ewing a.k.a. Bang was a force to be reckoned with. My greatest memory of Patrick Ewing was buying Lunchables as a kid during this sweepstakes they had where one lucky Lunchables kid would win a meet-and-greet with the big fella. I didn’t win, but I loved those ‘90s NBA stars so it’s still a fond memory. I’m gonna have to push Ewing to the wayside here though and choose someone who is much more energetic, charismatic, and although I’ve never seen him act, I feel like there’s a chance that he could pull off some solid one liners. My choice here is Joel Embiid. The only problem here being if he and Russ actually dislike each other as much as it seems like then one of these selections of mine will need to change.

Blanko (Blue)

Originally Played By: Shawn Bradley

Possibly the most memorable of all the Monstars from the actual film, Shawn Bradley’s alien doppelganger was so goofy, dimwitted, and innocent you had to love him. If it weren’t for Space Jam or the nightly posterization of Bradley in NBA games, we probably wouldn’t have much to remember the 7’ 6” toothpick for. Because Bradley was such an anomaly I have a sizzling hot take for this one… Blanko will be played by none other than, Robert Bobroczky. Who is that you ask? That my friends is Lamelo Ball’s 7’ 7” teammate from Spire Academy. I’m going out on a really long, thin limb here and saying LeBron is gonna use his connections with Lonzo (Lamelo’s older brother for those who have been living under a rock) to get Bob Rob on the Space Jam 2 set.

More conventional take…Rudy Gobert. He’s ginormous and would add some international flavor. So, yeah.

All of this is just hypothetical of course. No one, probably not even LeBron, knows who will play the Monstars yet. I for one certainly can't wait to find out.

Got your own theory? Share it with us in the comments below.